Ego-

Some said that ego is a medium for them to be strong. But, some said that ego is selfish.
Which one was it?

I am an egomaniac. I built up my ego as high as the Burj Khalifa Tower. Well, not really like it. It's a hyperbole. So, why did I built my ego so high?
Because I thought, ego will make me feel better. Ego made me looks strong. Even though I am broke inside. I am sure that everyone has their own pain to deal with. Everyone has their own bad days to get through. And so do I.

I've been through a lot of pain. People's experiences are different right? Maybe it's a lesson for me to prepare myself for the unpredictable future. So that when the world knocks me down one day, I won't be this sad and depressed. My freshman year wasn't really nice. Suffering from depression and mentally tortured. Well yeah. I remember that 4 or maybe 5 days before my big exam, there's a bunch of "cool kids" came to my desk and tortured my mind like it's not a big deal to me. The memory is still vivid and I remember those harsh words they have thrown to me. It still clear as a sea water in my head. And it carved a scar inside me and I decided to build a wall around me so that I can protect myself next time. And I did.
So in my sophomore year, I chose my friend carefully. I am scared of almost everyone. And I did well. Oh, not really. I was deceived. And yeah, I got another scar and the "ego" tower went higher. It made me strong. It made me survived.

Even now, I live safe and sound surrounded by the tower that I built. But,

Little did I know that this ego really kills and it sometimes cut deeper than I thought. I could lose the person I love. Living with ego made me feel afraid to admit what I've done wrong and what I really feel about something. Living with ego made me look like a heartless person. Living with ego made me feel safe but I hurt people.
I'm sorry love, I wanted to secure myself yet I'm walking on the thin ice. Pull me closer to you, pull me to the safe ground. Correct me, guide me. I've been living with ego for so long I don't know how to be like you. I'm sorry.