i'm sorry...

i can't satisfies you guys. no matter how hard i'm trying to be good in your eyes, to be perfect in your eyes that will never happen. you will never satisfied with me.

never.

why?

because i'm not perfect, i'm sorry. you can continue judging me. you can continue hating me and i don't bother with that. i live for me and not you. you may not agree with me, with how i made decision and etc, but let me tell you something;
i'm not gonna seek for your approval because i live for me not you. stop being immature and start thinking forward.

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0.1

...and you can't turn to your friends without a heap of guilt.. you know you're unfair. and mean. and selfish. you don't want to use them. but you know you can't have them back. like you used to. you just have to accept

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Have you...

pernah tak tiba tiba rasa macam nak berubah? 

like now is the perfect time to drop apl the nonsense and start being a grown up. to stop doing stupid stuffs. to stop unwanted feelings and to finally, admit you're a sinner?

but when you try try try and try to change, it's just so so hard. and in the darkness you realize you do not have any friend who understand you, who can hear you, who can comfort you and tell you that you're strong enough to change. someone who's there for you. you don't have them. you're alone. that time, you remembered Allah and He is willing to accept you who had been lost all this while. the tears you shed, the tears you cried. you cried every night and prayed for strength. you prayed hard for imaaan. and you were so determined to change. and all of a sudden, someone said something and you doubt your decision. you became unsure if that was the right thing. or the wrong thing. you can't decide what will make you happy. pretending to be in a sinful happiness or to pursue real joy in the midst of pain and fear. you were as confused as a child. you felt fragile and broken. you felt like you're so wrong and your heart ache. you were so delicate. and you dont know who to turn to. you were lost again. 

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